We're Lost 'Til We Learn How to Ask

     Today I went to the neurologist to figure out a new strategy to treat my migraines (whether it be continue with Botox or find a new treatment).  He wasn't too encouraged about my reaction to the Botox (worse for almost 2 weeks, then 2-3 days of no migraines, and then finally leveling back out at a migraine almost every day again).  So we're trying something new again this time.  I'm going to a sleep lab sometime during the next month to make sure there isn't anything going on during my sleep (sleep apnea being the number one thing to check).  But I could also have a mild case of sleep apnea that has nothing to do with why I am getting migraines.  As of right now, he also put me on muscle relaxers at night to help me sleep better.  (I tend to have trouble going to sleep at night.)  All in all, I always feel so much better after meeting with my neurologist.  My spirits have been uplifted because I haven't exhausted all of the treatment possibilities and I don't think my neurologist is just going throw his hands up anytime soon and say "this is all we can do for you, sorry all that pain you feel, you're just going to have to live with it for the rest of your life."  I understand that that could possibly become what happens in the end, but it's just so much constant pain that I tend to get overwhelmed when I think about having it for the rest of my life (that is as long as I meet the national life expectancy and nothing happens to cut my life short).  I think I'll just deal with that when the time comes.  (But I'm really hoping and praying that it won't.)

     I recently found (as in today discovered) some old handwritten pages of a story (that had novel potential) I was writing in high school.  I've since moved on to 2 other stories (no, I'm not ADD I promise).  I kind of thought back on this story as high-schoolish, immature, and poorly written.  However, rereading what I wrote, I'm not sure that I hold that same opinion.  Yes, some of it could have been written better and I'm not saying that I could get it published or anything, but it's not half bad.  I could change a few things and it would make it at least decent.  Better written than some of the books I've tried to read over the past couple of years.  Maybe I can become a novelist yet.  Not via the creative writing masters degree I had planned for a while back, but through keeping at my stories by writing them and editing and reediting and reediting.  Although probably keeping up 3 stories at once is not advisable.  We'll see where it gets me eventually I guess.

     So I promised rearranged room photos, but I don't actually have the "before" room photos available to me at this moment so I'll post them sometime during the day tomorrow.  I'll do like I did with my closet.  And speaking of closet, my closet has also gotten a major rearranging, so I'll post those before and afters tomorrow day as well.  In the meantime, here is what everything looks like at this moment.

     I think it looks very different and I love it.  I can't wait to organize all my craft supplies on the black shelves.  Also, I'm working that the desk in my closet now!  (Since I took this picture I set up my printer--which has no black so it's completely useless--and a floor lamp because those overhead lights get so darn hot!)  Also I'm not completely finished with the bookshelf area, but I had to wait on two more 3-shelf ones that my parents had down in Oxford.  

     I also promised you yesterday a look at my sample album of photography I had made (and am offering to clients but only with their pictures in it of course).

     I don't think I can end a post now without adding a picture of Oscar. And boy do I have plenty to add today. When he's not biting he's being super sweet. But he thinks he's sneaky... Of course. And watching Jack and Oscar interact are some of the most entertaining moments. I can't wait until Oscar is big enough to defend himself. Then we'll see how big and bad Jack really is. (Yes, I am laughing maniacally right about now.) But seriously, I love taking pictures of this little guy who seriously looks like a teddy bear. AND we've almost had him for a week! Tomorrow will be a week (I still can't believe it). We've only had like one incident as of right now, but Oscar has completely bounced back (Jack might have smooshed him a little).  I might want to add that as a first time mom of a puppy I might be a little dramatic when it comes to things that hurt my little darling. But I have noticed that Jack seems to bark more fiercely when people come to the house, maybe he's trying to protect Oscar? I hope so. Now if only Kitty Dante would stop hissing at Oscar everything would be perfect.

Like I said, he thinks he is sneaky and he loves to play the game "bite the toes."

Title:  "In the End" by Snow Patrol

I Long for Something That Is Safe and Warm

     Just yesterday I was priding myself in how well I'm handling my migraines.  I was telling my mom how I had stopped being frusturated at the pain I feel.  And of course, pride always comes before the fall. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for my one month check in after my first botox treatment.  It's just to see how I'm reacting to it and for my neurologist to get a game plan for future treatments.  So I did what I always do before any doctor's appointment (just to make sure I communicate correctly and my doctor doesn't diagnosis me with depression because I cry when I get nervous), I consulted with my mom.  I figured out that I haven't had a migraine/have been almost pain free for 2-3 days this month.  The rest of the time it's been a little rough.  And of course, that got me super frustrated.  I have a good attitude about my migraines unless it's at night and I'm tired and I have one and I think back on how much relief I haven't had.  I know God has a plan for me and my migraines.  I truly believe that, but I'm still mad at him that he can't let me get better on my time.  I'm trying to accept the life God has laid out for me, pain included, it's just a little easier said than done.
     But while I continue to struggle with my anger (hey, acknowledgement is the first step in the right direction, isn't it), I wanted to post some of the things I had been doing with my time.  Now that I'm not laid up in bed all day, I've had a few projects I've been keeping under wraps.

     They are all postcards!  How cool is that?  The top one is square and doesn't have anything on the back so it's completely open for addresses.  I plan on sharing my sample album in tomorrow's post along with some photographs of my room and closet because they have been completely redone.  Exciting I know.  (By the way, all of the pictures above are from my photography business, Anna Peterson Photography.)

     I also have been doing some work for my brother-in-law.  I've really enjoyed trying to take what he wants and find it.  Believe me, trying to find someone to put a 20" anything on your own fabric is not an easy task.  I eventually got a stencil made by Signs First in Southaven and spray painting the green part (well, really Dad spray painted it for me cause he's pretty awesome at manly things like that).  While I was researching the best way to put the logo on a painter's dropcloth, I started looking into screen printing.  It's something I've always really wanted to do, but haven't really had a reason.  We'll see if I can find a reason to now that I know I can... without actually having to work at a t-shirt printing company. 

     We moved a lot of things in my room around, including my bed.  Miss Christine and Mom were Super Women and moved my bed all by themselves!  (With a little help from Magic Sliders, the Carpet Edition)

 Oscar trying to figure out speaker phone... his cocked head was sooo cute 

(didn't really translate into a picture but it's okay he's still adorable!)

Title: "Feather on the Clyde" by Passenger

I Wish I Could Be Just A Little Less Dramatic

     Today has been a great day. Gosh, I really wish all of my blog posts could start like that. But seriously, today has been full of hope and accomplishments. And this is one of the reasons why I wait until the end of the day to post. I have gone TWO whole, full, normal days. I can no longer say that my full day is a normal person's half day (of work/busyness). For that I am immensely grateful and I am acutely aware that me feeling better is nothing short of a miracle. (Okay so I know it was all science but I also know that I could still be in pain and not positively reacting to the Botox and its all because of God's will for me to get better in the bigger scheme of things.)  Being better has meant finally getting new shoes, being more energetic (and happier), leaving the house for errands without a big to-do, having projects to juggle, making good on a promise to finish burning my Easter mix, and already starting on a new one (mix that is).
     My parents and I spent most of our day in Oxford.  First, shopping with my grandmother (well just my mom and I).  The absence of my dad probably explains why we ended up loosing Grandmama in the clothing department!  She was lost for at least 10, if not 20 minutes (she was in the dressing room).  Grandmama had gotten tired of waiting on us to look through all of the racks to try on some of her choices (it didn't even matter that I had all the rest of her clothes she was going to try on).  She didn't even seem worried once we found her, she didn't loose herself.  (My grandmother's made of some pretty tough stuff.)  While we were out shopping I got to try on some shoes.  I definitely felt like a little kid on Christmas morning.

Christmas in April, I'm telling you.

One happy girl right here.

Grandmama and Dad waiting ever so patient.

Will joined us for lunch and he actually didn't mind when I pulled out my phone.

We also drove around Oxford trying to figure out which house was Eli Manning's.  I lived in Oxford for almost 4 years and I had never seen that part of Oxford.  There were so many beautiful, huge houses with lots of privacy and tall, tall trees.  I kind of felt like I discovered the secret part of Oxford, which was pretty cool.
     Then we came home and I went out to Lowes, Jo-Anns, Wal-Mart (yuck), and Target (YAY!).  (Because I know you guys want to know my whole schedule.)  But there are some seriously awesome projects rambling around in my head that I'm hoping will turn out as awesome in execution as they are up in my head.  I almost went overboard at Jo-Anns (and I still feel like I may have crossed that thin, thin line), but I did put stuff back.  And I saved things for if I end up really using what I bought.
     I bought things that might help me fulfill my Resolution #2, to create a mini book centered on Oscar, our future puppy.  However, because I do not have any scrapbooking things then I definitely needed to get a few things, like paper and STAMPS and some washi paper.  When I bought the stamps I was hoping that I could possibly use all of the paint that I bought at Wal-Mart as my ink (so I didn't get any ink pads).  Once I got home I had the hardest time finding if I could actually use paint or not, until I ran across this article.  I don't know who the author is, but I have a feeling I'm going to visit this page a lot more often.  I love the look of adding small details with stamps (and washi paper).  (Again it's all about the little things.)  I also can't wait to experiment with my stamps to come up with awesome new looks (using this article as a guide).  I'm sure I'll keep you updated with every little thing I do.  I can't wait to get started.  I even bought a page cutter so I can get straight lines.  I totally feel like a scrapbooker right now (minus the fact I have yet to do anything with the supplies I bought).

I literally couldn't resist any of these, especially the cupcake one!

I didn't realize this until I took the guys out of the package, but I bought a DIY stamp.

I had to put the stamp on the wooden toggle-thingy AND line up the label on the top.

But seriously, how freaking cute are these guys?

I can't wait to use them all!

Title: "Mama's Broken Heart" by Miranda Lambert

You Love The Little Signs of Life

     AHHHH! Y'all, this is my 101 post and I almost have 1,000 page views!! (but I'm pretty sure half of them are me looking at my own blog... You know to make sure there isn't anything out of place.) And OH GOODNESS is my southern accent is showing. I try my best not to let in my writing, but there is no way I could ever actually say "you all" or "you guys." I hope y'all understand.
Today, well most of this week really has been almost a complete 180 from my past few weeks (or really past few months). Which means the Botox is actually working. I'm not 100% normal (and by that I mean my migraines are still there... And I can't wear scarves or necklaces and I've almost 100% given up wearing perfume). But I am finally able to enjoy life again and think about other things besides the horrible pain I'm in. Which is an enormous feat, in and of itself. It makes me tons more hopeful that this is the right treatment.
     With this new energy and life I am feeling I got to join my parents for a trip down to Oxford. The main mission of this trip was for them to meet with my brother's German professor so they can find out where all they need to visit when they go see Will in Germany this summer. Yeah, I know super awesome right? Well, I accidentally tagged along for their meeting and was given the car keys (cha-ching). Which meant I had like an hour to myself. What did I do? I came back to the locked condo, of course (I definitely needed some relaxing time maybe in the dark). Where were my keys to the condo? They were inside, of course. The whole drive to the condo I was fantasizing about laying out the grass near our condo relaxing to the new CDs I had just downloaded onto my iPad (which was in the condo too of course). By the time I turned into the condos, I had decided that I could feel a slight migraine coming on and I didn't want t miss dinner so I'd just listen to my new CDs inside, in the dark. But having no keys completely changed that decision. So I ended up fulfilling my fantasy and lying in the grass next to the condo. It was a little itchy (and I may have gotten a slight sun rash, that's completely gone now) but all in all I felt like I was embracing the moment. I played music on my iPhone and just basked in the rays of my frenemy, the sun. But after not even an hour, I got bored and therefore started taking pictures with what else but my handy dandy PHONE! Surprise, surprise.

So I'm trying to put more pictures of myself on here.

     My parents ended up taking my brother and some of his friends (and myself) out to dinner. Where the topic of his loathing of my photography came up. And I ended up capturing a few shots at the end of the night (very smoothly as one of his friends commented). Will really has a lovely band of friends. We kept each other laughing almost the whole night (well they mostly kept us laughing, but hey we at least tried to be comedic). I bet these ladies and gentlemen have some fun college years ahead of them. And I'm hoping they won't mind too terribly bad when I tag along with them to Memphis in May. Hopefully I'll be feeling great by then, but we'll see.  

 So I'm definitely not as smooth as I think.  

I spy with my little eyes at least one person looking (and smiling for the camera).

And here starts the drama of Will.

Not quite sure what he is doing here, but I love this of my dad (on the far left).

Title: "The Weight of Love" by Snow Patrol

I'm Never Gonna Say "Surrender"

     Today was not such a good day.  I slept most of the day.  But it means that I've had three days where I've pushed through the pain before I couldn't anymore.  Which is good and definitely progress.  Since the botox, all of the pain that I feel with my head is so much more intense.  I'm not sure what to make of that. But I do have longer stretches of time where I feel better.  And they seem like they are just getting longer. Which is definitely a wonderful thing.  
     I helped Mom make cinnamon swirl bread today.  We have yet to figure out the exact way to make it, apparent in the huge cave we found when we cut the bread open.  I remember sometime after 9/11 Mom made a batch of bread that somehow managed to have a bubble in it like the one below.  I'm pretty sure all three loaves did and we joked that Osama Bin Laden was hiding in the caves of her bread.  It's just one of  those funny moments that I don't think I'll ever forget.  

Doesn't look pretty but boy is it delicious!

Photo Credit: My mom 

She sent this to me when she didn't think I was going to come down for dinner.

Title comes from the song "Soldier" by Gavin DeGraw.

Cause When You're Feeling Safe Is When You're Getting Lazy

    I got an IPAD TODAY!!! YAY!  I'm so excited.  It's amazing how different it is from the iPhone.  I didn't really think it would be, but it is.  Some apps that are amazing on the iPhone aren't so amazing on the iPad.  So I'm trying to figure out what's great and what's not so great.  So you'll have to excuse me if this post isn't extremely long.  I'm still anxious to play with my new toy.  

    Today was a better day with my migraines.  Well I say it was.  Today I continued to choose to make the day better.  I could really tell that I had worked some yesterday and started the day pretty worn out.  But I preserved and with the help of my gracious and loving mother I have almost completely gone through all of my clothes that were in my closet.  I almost wanted to take a before and after picture, but I am really ashamed that I let my closet get as bad as it was.  I hadn't cleaned out my clothes since junior high (I just kept putting it off) and I just had clothes that I never wore taking up the room in my closet so my clothes that I really do wear had to go somewhere and that ended up being the floor of my closet.  It was the biggest mess you have ever seen.  Piles and piles everywhere, and so I never really could wear anything but the same thing over and over cause I had no idea where half of my really cute clothes are.  But no more.  I'm almost all done (well at least halfway done) with my closet.  (And the only person who can take credit for that is my mother who has been the driving force behind the change.)

Taken with my iPad!

I got a new picture of Buster tonight!!

The breeder said he had a hard time getting this photo because all he wants to do is play!  

AHHHH! I can't wait until we can pick him up!

(Photo Credit: D's Doodles)

Title from the Song "Gentleman Say" by David Vertesi.  He's pretty super awesome and I found him with the awesome new Band of the Day app.

"It's All Up to the Stars"

     I didn't end up posting yesterday.  Which if you're following along you've realized by now.  But that's the first time I haven't posted every day in almost a month (well really 3 weeks).  For me that's really an accomplishment.  My whole weekend (starting Thursday) was full of bad days/moments and naps and basically me feeling sorry for myself.
     Last night, I sat on my parent's bed and cried because I am/was so frustrated with not being able to do things.  The botox was supposed to help, but since I've gotten the shots, the pain has been much more acute.  I used to have a migraine everyday but it was dull and achy and I could ignore if I wanted to or if I stayed in a dark place and didn't have any stimuli (including a computer) my headache would eventually fade into nothing.  Now I really can't get relief.  Laying my head on a pillow makes it hurt that much worse (having anything touch my head makes it hurt so bad) but holding it up makes it hurt too.  The only thing I can do that doesn't make my head hurt more is sleep (and even then I actually have to be asleep for it not to hurt not trying to sleep or almost asleep).  Sometimes it even hurts in my dreams.
    All of this just weighed down on me.  I'm so tired of not doing anything, so tired of not having a life.
    So last night, I made the decision that I'm no longer just going to lay around waiting for the botox to work.  (It might not ever.)  I'm going to take Aleve and Axert and I'm going to do as much as I possibly can until I can't stand it anymore.  Then I'll lie down for a bit let that pain fade and get right back up and do it again.  I'm not going to let my migraines defeat me anymore.  I'm not even going to make this a resolution.  It's just going to be a choice I constantly make from now on.
    Today, I was able to clean out my filing cabinet and feed the bread starter.  And I managed to knit 1/3 of a really adorable baby hat that hopefully will look like the one below.  But I tore it apart and am starting over because it wasn't working correctly.  So far I've finished the flaps and the middle part that folds up.  While I know that doesn't seem like much I feel like I've run a marathon... Well okay, maybe that's being a bit dramatic.  I more just feel like I've had a really long day.

The finished baby hat I'm trying to make.

(Photo Credit: Ravelry, where you can also find the pattern)

All of the lovely paper I am recycling from my cleaning.

The title of this post is inspired by the song "Stars" by Fun.  

I Must Admit I Can't Explain

      Today hasn't been the greatest day headache-wise.  I can't tell if I have a migraine or just a headache from the Botox.  The pain is very much different from what I'm used to experiencing.  I think I finally decided it is/was a mix of the both.  I wish I could say everything was getting better, but I don't know that I can.  Which makes me extremely disappointed.  
    I'm so tired of resting and not doing anything.  I'm restless and want to do things without being in pain.  
    I'm pretty sure all I've done today is sleep, eat, (fix food,) watch Netflix (90210), and cruise Facebook.  Not exactly very thrilling.  I really wish the only thing I posted on here was upbeat, but I would prefer this to be an honest depiction of how things really are.  Lucky for me, when I look back on things like my migraines I tend to gloss over how painful they really are.  My mind tends to think that the pain I was feeling wasn't really that bad (even if it really was).  This is not so helpful when I'm trying to paint an accurate picture of migraines for my doctor (or for any other ailment), but definitely helpful in general.  Except when I get a little upset with myself because I was being a wuss or I can't really believe that I cried because it didn't hurt that bad (even when it did).  
    I really hope all of that makes sense because I'm not sure that even when I explain it all out it makes sense to me.  Memory tends to plays tricks on you (and by you I really mean me).  Which reminds me of my beyond favorite quote from my favorite book as a teenager.  
“Memory warps time, as it does the sights and sounds and smells of reality; for what shapes it is emotion, which can twist what seems clear, just as the surface of a pond seems to bend the stick thrust into the water." - Crown Duel by Sherwood Smith
I mean I could go and on about this quote but I'm pretty sure it speaks for itself.  You (we all) can never really trust our memories because its all about our perception as well as what our minds will allow us to process. Hearing my mom talk about my migraines is almost like hearing her talk about someone else.  
        It's all I can do to wake up early (around 9ish) eat breakfast, watch about an hour of whatever on my computer, nap til about 1 and then start my day.  And then I'm extremely tired by 7 even if all I'm doing is working on photography stuff.  And some days I can't even do that.  But if I can't do that, I don't have the energy to analyze it (or really even think about it).  I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'm just tired and I'm tired of being tired.  


I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

Title: "Howlin' For You" by The Black Keys

It's Hard to Keep a Straight Face When I Just Want to Smile

       I love watching CSI and all of it's spin-offs.  Mostly because of the terrible one-liners they make right before the intro.  (Especially CSI: Miami) There is a marathon on AMC at this very moment, which reminds me of one of my college classes (hardboiled fiction).  In it we read hardboiled fiction, including some detective fiction (and the books that inspired detective fiction).  These books were the original place where jokes were cracked over dead bodies.  However, those (original) jokes were definitely not too corny or cliche.
      If you are looking for a good hardboiled book (that used to be your grandfather's dollar paperback), I do have some suggestions.  If you like a book where the "villains" always get what's coming to them (i.e. no happy ending for anyone), The Postman Always Rings Twice is the book for you.  Laura is a wonderful book if you are looking for a change, also there is a movie too.  I always love the older books that are translated into movies.  The movies always come out so much better (than they do now).  (Plus hardboiled books are equal to the film noir movies... and that's what Laura the movie is.)  Cotton Comes to Harlem was another of my favorites, it brings a bit of the south to New York (well Harlem).  Plus I love all of the women characters (I feel like they are the most fleshed out in this novel as compared to the other hardboiled novels we read).  Of course there are many other hardboiled novels and tons of contemporary takes on the hardboiled/detective fiction.
         Below is a video of the horrid one liners I was talking about.  I hope you enjoy.  (But you don't have to watch all of it cause it's pretty long.)

        The botox has got to be working.  Currently I feel better, but my head still hurts on a constant basis.  But earlier today I had the worse migraine.  Not good.  So maybe my headaches will get better (as in go away on a daily basis) but my migraines will be worse when I actually do get them?  I don't know the suspense on if it is going to be a viable treatment is definitely wearing me out.  I just want to know either way so I might can move on to something else if possible and maybe that will work.  
       I'm not giving up hope.  But I'm just ready to know.


  Title:  "It Gets Better" by Fun.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

      It's the first day after Botox and while I've been saying all day I still haven't felt relief, I must have been feeling some because I got most all of my to-do list done.  I think I pretty much put in what I would consider a "full day's work" (about half a day for normal people).  I guess we'll see tomorrow how I feel, I  can definitely tell right now that I've been doing things because I'm super exhausted.
    The weird thing about the Botox shots in my forehead is that this morning I could still be "shocked" and wrinkle my forehead (and get the lines that you would normally have).  Tonight I tried to do the same thing, I can barely move anything.  I guess I'll have to post a picture eventually.  My mom is convinced that one of my eyebrows is now lower than the other (and it wasn't like that before).  The injection sights are still a little swollen and swore and my scalp is tender to the touch.  I'm hoping that will go away within this next week.
     I know I promised a post about Craft Beer, but I'll take the time to write a really awesome post tomorrow I'm way too exhausted (and weak) to do that now.  I hope everyone's week is going well!  I'm really looking forward to the 30th anniversary of the Miss Olive Branch Pageant.  It should be lots of fun!

     Earlier this year I took the reigning Miss Olive Branch's picture.  Sarah Mathis (2011 Miss OB) is such a sweetheart!  It's hard for me to pick out just two photos from my session with Sarah to post on here.  If you want to see more, check out my photography blog.  I bet this coming Miss Olive Branch will be just as awesome!  I hope I'll get to know her as well.  (The Miss Olive Branch pageant is an annual pageant hosted by the Olive Twig Humanitarian Group, a philanthropic group of women who take the proceeds of the pageant and put it to good use in the Olive Branch, MS area.)  I remember when I was growing up my mom helped behind the scenes of the pageant and I loved to go watch the older (high school) girls practice.  They just seemed so much older and so sophisticated.  

P.S. I wish I could find a good link for the Olive Twigs, but there doesn't really seem to be one. 
Double P.S.:  The title for today's blog is inspired by the 2012 Miss Olive Branch Pageant ('80's themed); "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper