I didn't end up posting yesterday. Which if you're following along you've realized by now. But that's the first time I haven't posted every day in almost a month (well really 3 weeks). For me that's really an accomplishment. My whole weekend (starting Thursday) was full of bad days/moments and naps and basically me feeling sorry for myself.
Last night, I sat on my parent's bed and cried because I am/was so frustrated with not being able to do things. The botox was supposed to help, but since I've gotten the shots, the pain has been much more acute. I used to have a migraine everyday but it was dull and achy and I could ignore if I wanted to or if I stayed in a dark place and didn't have any stimuli (including a computer) my headache would eventually fade into nothing. Now I really can't get relief. Laying my head on a pillow makes it hurt that much worse (having anything touch my head makes it hurt so bad) but holding it up makes it hurt too. The only thing I can do that doesn't make my head hurt more is sleep (and even then I actually have to be asleep for it not to hurt not trying to sleep or almost asleep). Sometimes it even hurts in my dreams.
All of this just weighed down on me. I'm so tired of not doing anything, so tired of not having a life.
So last night, I made the decision that I'm no longer just going to lay around waiting for the botox to work. (It might not ever.) I'm going to take Aleve and Axert and I'm going to do as much as I possibly can until I can't stand it anymore. Then I'll lie down for a bit let that pain fade and get right back up and do it again. I'm not going to let my migraines defeat me anymore. I'm not even going to make this a resolution. It's just going to be a choice I constantly make from now on.
Today, I was able to clean out my filing cabinet and feed the bread starter. And I managed to knit 1/3 of a really adorable baby hat that hopefully will look like the one below. But I tore it apart and am starting over because it wasn't working correctly. So far I've finished the flaps and the middle part that folds up. While I know that doesn't seem like much I feel like I've run a marathon... Well okay, maybe that's being a bit dramatic. I more just feel like I've had a really long day.
The finished baby hat I'm trying to make.
(Photo Credit: Ravelry, where you can also find the pattern)
All of the lovely paper I am recycling from my cleaning.
The title of this post is inspired by the song "Stars" by Fun.
Labels: Botox, Health, Migraines
