These Things Just Come and Go

     I've been struggling lately. Struggling to create blog post in any way, shape, or form of a regular or semi-regular basis. Struggling to even write this blog post. Struggling to put up with my daily migraines. Struggling to finish the small loose-end tasks to finally be ready to open for business. Struggling to depend solely on God's strength and not my own. 

     I like to think of myself as a semi-private person. You won't ever see me on a reality TV show, and yet here I am broadcasting my life to the world—that’s where the “semi” part comes in. I'm normally pretty reserved and I could definitely use a few more years honing the art of small talk—and in my wildest dream, wittiness. Most of all, I'm just a proud human being who doesn't like for other people to see her struggling, failing, and being anything but perfect.  However, I think I want to break the silence, admit my defeat, and start moving forward. 

     I originally restarted this blog a little over a year ago with the idea that maybe other people who have migraines can take my journey and learn from it. I never openly shared this idea because I didn’t think I really had much of a journey to follow.  I get migraines, end of story.  I am so super over posts about how my day has been.  I can already tell you how things probably went:  I had a migraine; it hurt; I tried to be productive but all I really wanted to do was sleep/lay down. 

     So now what? How do I change the conversation? How do you say "Body, you're going to be nice to me today!"? 

     Maybe you do it one step at a time. One song at a time. One verse at a time. 

     Maybe even the jaded can try their hand at optimism. 

Today:  I'm dreaming up some mini-projects to change the conversation.

Title: "Magic Touch" by Golden Silvers

Sayin' That You Oughta Laugh About It

      I know it has been customary for me to feature a collage on Mondays, but this weekend has been filled with migraine pain and other crazy strange pain (that seems to have something to do with the cold weather--I would never make it in my imaginary homeland, England).  Which all translates to I'm not in the mood for collage putting together time.
     However, I do blog for Click Magazine and if you haven't checked it out yet you should (that was my one shameless plug).  I posted my five favorite fall fashion items--collage style, of course.  So I'm using that as my stand in for today.  If you haven't already seen it, you should definitely click on over.  It kinda has some good advice (final plug I promise!).

     But for those of you who have already seen seen the post, I thought I'd add some original content.  My church had its annual Thanksgiving dinner tonight (I'm not sure what year, but it's probably at least in the late teens).  My mom helped decorate the tables, along with some other extremely talented ladies.

Title: "Sweet Sour" by Band of Skulls

Lose If You Have To

     I haven't really been feeling well recently.  It could be a mix of exhaustion and dehydration or just a bug or something.  It doesn't really matter, I just haven't been feeling well at all and it's making everything else feel a little overwhelming.  Luckily I have a puppy who can be pretty loving when he wants to be.  It almost makes up for how much mischief he can cause.

Title: "The War" by Josh Records

You Fashion Your Life

     I keep finding myself striving to do more, especially now that I'm back to not feeling so well.  Now that I know if I try to do anything (and everything) I want to do, I will end up with a headache.  I know that sounds weird (or like I'm just creating a self-fulling prophecy) but I've been living with this pain for long enough to know that if I'm very calm and I sit around/lay around and do nothing I'll feel better (and like I can do something) and then when I do something (anything) the pain immediately comes back.  I've gotten to the point where I'm hesitant to even knit because I'm scared it will bring on a headache.
     While I'm sitting around, I find myself thinking of half thought out plans of things I want to do.  I keep saying "when I feel better I'm going to..." I think that it's uplifting that I know I have plans, that I'm not content with just laying around all day doing nothing but watching TV or reading.  I'm hoping that once I do feel better I will follow through with everything I've said I'm going to do.  Even more than that I'm truly hoping I will feel better enough to have the energy to work and do other things, maybe even make some friends around the DeSoto County area.  Until then I'm just going to have to keep taking my medicine, work, and be fulfilled with what God has put in my life (my family and my puppies, oh and my kitty).

Poor Kitty Dante still gets barked at by Puppy Oscar.

Title: "Bird on a Wire" by Sarah Blasko

Here Comes the Sun

     My day has been pretty taken over by my monster of a migraine.  I finally got some relief after going back to the chiropractor and taking my migraine medicine, but I've been pretty much out of commission.  I'm working on finding a migraine journal app for my phone that I really like so I can keep track of everything that is important (duration, how many per week, etc).  I've tried two different apps but I'm not in love with either one so we'll see.

   

Title: "Gimme Sympathy" by Metric

I Was Never One to Believe the Hype

     On days like today I always end up feeling like I haven't done anything.  However, today I have been to a therapist appointment, a chiropractor appointment, and baked a pound cake and 3 donut muffins.  So I have been fairly busy.  I have also had a migraine all day long (and been borderline hive-itchy, not so great a feeling).  I think the reason I feel a little hivey is because I have been waking up early (at 8ish) so that I can be ready for all of my necessary appointments.  Not fun.  My body seems to get stressed out when I'm on a routine of waking up early (and therefore hivey).   But besides that I've napped a good bit today (and had the strangest dreams--I think I might need to edit some of my TV watching).
   As the family is going to Smith Lake (in Alabama) on Sunday to stay for a whole week, I made a few desserts today.  I made the Million Dollar Pound Cake that is going to the lake with us.  Oh my gosh, if you have never had homemade pound cake you are missing something in your life.  I'm sorry but I love making this cake and it is pure heaven in a bite. (Store bought pound definitely isn't as good, and since I've tasted this pound cake, it's hard for anything to compare.)  I do believe that this recipe has been passed down through the generations of my family (my grandmother to my mom and my mom to me) but I'm not sure where my grandmother originally got the recipe (probably a Southern Living cookbook, but don't quote me on that).
     I also experimented with making baked donuts (in muffin form).  The recipe (that I found here via foodgawker) promised the donuts to taste just like the ones from Krispie Kreme.  You pour the batter into a donut pan and there you have delicious donuts.  Well, I am number one not fancy enough to have a donut pan (although I wouldn't mind eventually gleaning one somehow) and number two I just wanted to try out the recipe so I thought half a recipe would be the perfect amount for just my family (and I kind of thought we'd still have some left over).  Boy was I wrong.  I mixed up the batter and I only had enough for 3 pretty full cupcake-muffins.  They turned out really nice and fluffy.  I thought they'd end up being more like the cake donuts but in reality they are in between a cake donut and a real one.  While we're at the lake I'm doubling the recipe and I'm hoping that will make me 24 small muffins to feed to everyone.   (I keep surprising my mother with my recipes.  She is always doubtful and then when she tastes it she's floored.  It was the same way with the breakfast pizza last night. Although I think the pizza was a little more impressive to her than my donut muffins.)

Title: "Some Nights" by Fun.

Don't Be Crying, That's Below You

     Nothing too exciting happened today.  I got another adjustment which as always gives me the worst headache, but so far it seems like I am responding well to treatment.  I think my migraines are going away completely before they come back (even though I'm still having them pretty much daily).  But with them going away it means that every little thing that would bother me before (i.e. my "triggers") are not bothering me as much.  I have a theory that my migraines were never really going away before, the pain was just dulling so all of my senses were heightened all the time making any little thing cause a major flare up of pain.  (Not fun.)  But I'm not 100% certain that those were my triggers.  Now I feel different when a migraine is coming on; to describe all of my symptoms would make me sound like a crazy person so I'm not going to do that.  I'm just going to say that my migraines are changing and I think that might a good thing.  Hopefully, I can get to a point where I'm not having migraines at all or maybe just once or twice a month. That is a more manageable amount.
     Dad and I took Oscar to the vet this afternoon to get his 12-week shots (he might have been a week or so late getting them).  When I opened up the car door to let Oscar get in Jack decided he wanted to come too.  He even broke through his "boundary" (we have an invisible electric fence).  Jack didn't have his shock collar on (but he didn't know that) and he never goes past his designated boundary.  But he did today.  Jack love, love, loves car rides (but not so much the vet).  I think Oscar gets borderline carsick.  He's never had problems riding in a car before but when we got to the vet Oscar was foaming at the mouth (there was some serious drooling problems going on).   It happened on the way back, too.  Other than that, both Oscar and Jack were just as happy as can be at the vet.  They wanted to play with every single dog they came in contact with, especially Oscar (and it was more like every dog that he could see or smell).  He was very vocal about it.  I think he's a going to be a real ladies' man (the two dogs he wanted to really play were both of the female persuasion).  He also wasn't too sure about the horses.  He would get right up to the fence and watch them until it looked like one was walking his way then he retreated pretty quickly (until his curiosity got the better of him).

I also have a video of Oscar being pretty pathetic in our exam room.  All he wanted was someone to play with/a treat and no one was having it.

P.S. Somehow I found this song on youtube (it was recommended for me. I guess I watch a lot of Australian singers' videos).  But I think it's pretty amazing.  It really makes me sad when I find really awesome songs that I can't get off iTunes because I'm not in the correct country (which also means I can't put these songs on my mixes which is the real heartbreaker).

Title: "(Oh Well) That's What You Get (Falling in Love with a Cowboy)" by Lanie Lane

Tell Me a Story That Consists of More Than Once Upon a Time, The End

5 things I'm thankful for this week:

the simple fact that while I've had an extreme headache almost all week I've been able to do nothing but watch TV shows and knit

my super adorable puppy who hardly ever scratches on the door any more

that is his paw print on the window of the garage door 

(and who is also 13 weeks old!)

a quick but fun trip to Oxford where we grilled, ate tons of dessert, and played with beta fish

the amazing time I got to spend with Amber full of great conversations, laughter, and a little bit of everything in between

(whom I went to see in Oxford)

(Amazon)

the anticipation of all the fun things I'm going to do this coming week and all the conversation I'm going to have is keeping me sleepless 

(okay, maybe that's not true but I am going to a book club!  It's one step in the right direction)

Title: "Anywhere Place" by Katie Costello

You Light Up My World Like No Body Else

      I absolutely hate it when I've been trying to avoid a song, only to hear it on the radio and want to know what it is every single time.  I feel like I'm just being a follower instead of actually liking it for the music (and then I get over myself).  It's the way I was with Adele, One Direction, Justin Bieber, and I'm sure a few others that I can not name off the top of my head.  That is exactly how I am with Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know."  It has a very interesting feeling to the music that always drags me in before I realize what it is (or I use Shazam to tell me).  I also really enjoy this beat for some reason.  (And I think that it's relatable.)  But Gotye's song is just too sad for me to use as the title.  Instead I thought I'd use One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" because every girl should pretend it's being sung just for them.  We all need a little reminder that we're beautiful.

     When I woke up this morning I thought today might be a final relief from the marathon of pain I have been feeling this past week.  I even packed up to journey down to Oxford for an impromptu visit of a friend.  After I got everything packed up I got a migraine.  So I'm still in Olive Branch for the night and I am going to Oxford headache or no tomorrow afternoon.
     While I was still headache free earlier in the day I managed to complete my shawl and finally finish off the baby hat.  I have to weave in the ends on both but that is all that's left (and I hate weaving in the ends).

I'm also working on a striped scarf for my mom.  My goal is to have this scarf finished and maybe one more shawl/scarf finished for her before she leaves for Germany in like 3 weeks (maybe more like 2).  We'll see how I manage.  

This scarf has one more of this set to go (plus an extra blue).

To finish the above scarf I still have the one section of blue that I'm working on, green, pink, green, and blue.  Then I'll be all finished.  It's been really relaxing to knit because it doesn't hurt my head and I can do it when I have a headache so I'm not just lying around or sleeping all of the time.
    I love myself a good maxi dress.  I think all of them are wonderful and love layering them.  I'm debating getting the stripe maxi below.  What do you think?  They also have a dress where the stripes are blue instead of red.

Dress

Title: "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction

I Know I'm Sleeping 'Cause This Dream's Too Amazing

     Day three of the migraine marathon and my head has almost stopped hurting.  Well I guess I really shouldn't call it a migraine because I don't have the usual other things that accompany my migraines, but boy am I in pain.  My neck hurts something awful.  But it's definitely less pain than yesterday or the day before so I guess I should be thankful.
     I'm almost done with the shawl I'm working on!  All I have left is the binding off (but it's a picot bind off).  If you're not a knitter basically it just means that I've been adding stitches just to bind them off again, but it is looking really pretty.

I'm going to keep binding off the shawl so I can finally be done with it!

Title: "40 Day Dream" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

I Was the One Who Showed You the Sky

     Day two of my migraine marathon continues.  However, the pain has somewhat lessened.  I had neck adjustments both yesterday and today.  Today I did put ice on the back of my head so that it might help the inflammation.  This is actually not supposed to be discouraging, but an encouraging sign.  But I still want to rip my hair out it hurts so bad.  I need to take a mental note to get Strawberry flavored sparkling water before I get another adjustment because I need to drink a lot of water.  And the sparkling water is like a liter.  I hate drinking regular water.
    But I just made the most delicious garlic cheese rolls. I'm kind of a carb-alohic so sue me.  It's why I'll never ever be able to truly diet.  I love bread and pasta (and candy).  They make life so much more enjoyable and while I was feeling better I thought I'd try out a recipe.  But it had to be of something that I already had all the ingredients.  I found the recipe on Foodgawker, but it's from the Give Me Some Oven blog.  Really cute name I know. (The only thing I did change was I only put in 1 tsp of oregano in the melted butter mixture to put on top of the rolls, 2 tsp looked like it was going to be a lot of oregano.)  It's so delicious and easy to make.

P.S. How cute is my little buddy sleeping?  His head is resting on the rim of a pot.

Title: "Easy to Love" by The Jezabels

See I Got My Cuts and Bruises

     My head has been throbbing all day.  So I haven't gotten much done except knitting and watching British films/Canadian tv shows.  I'm "researching" for when I head out to Seattle to visit my lovely lovely friend and her family.  I'm almost done with the shawl I was working on though.  However now I'm on to the time consuming part.  Each row takes 396 stitches which takes a while to work on even if it is simple.  

     I also have a spoiled little puppy.  He is so frustrating, he's too smart for his own good.  And when he gets tired of playing with Jack/Jack won't play he scratches on the door.  I try to teach him not to but he doesn't listen to me!  I ended up having to lock him in his kennel.  You can see the video below that shows what he does when he's in his kennel. 

     I hope you enjoy the videos.  I'm going to get back to my knitting and pretend like I don't have a headache.

Title: "If You Can't Make Me Happy" by Kirsty Almeida

Has It Been a Day or a Week?

     I find myself wanting to start every blog post off with "so..", but "so" doesn't necessarily mean we're in the middle of a conversation.  Which always brings to mind You've Got Mail, I think Meg Ryan/the scriptwriter took the words right out of my mind in one of her emails to "NY152." Her email reads:
     "I like to start my notes to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation.  I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends -- as opposed to what we actually are, people who don't know each other's names and met in a Chat Room where we both claimed we'd never been before.  What will he say today, I wonder.  I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up.  I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words:  You've got mail.  I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart.  I have mail.  From you."  
      Since I was only about 9 years old when the movie came out, maybe I took the words from the movie instead of vise versa.  Either way, whenever I used to start a letter to a friend I always thought of You've Got Mail.  I would hear Meg Ryan's voice in my head saying those words.  Now that I'm blogging it's like I've been transported back into time.  I always want to start my blogs like I know each and every single one of my readers.  I could honestly probably write a complete blog that would read something like an ode to You've Got Mail or at the very least the power of painting such a complete and dramatic picture that just sucks you in, but I will refrain.  (You're welcome, believe me I wouldn't want to read that either.)
     I'm feeling better (obviously).  Not a ton better, but better enough for me to admit to the world that I'm feeling better, which usually jinxes it but I think I'm okay.  I have more energy and while my senses are still majorly heightened it doesn't necessarily lead into a worse headache.  Or at least that's the way I've been feeling for the past 24-48 hours.  And my heightened sense of everything hasn't been even more heightened, which is the way things have been going.  We'll see if it sticks.  But since I'm feeling better I've been tackling a lot more projects lately.  Or thinking up different projects to try and tackle.  And I lost a whole day to brother-sister quality time in front of the tube watching Teen Wolf. 
      Saturday really snuck up on me.  I don't know what happened.  I hadn't even looked at this week's scene until today.  And honestly it needs some work.  So I think I'm going to hold off for this week and post next Saturday.  (And I might just post parts of my story every other Saturday that way I'll have twice the amount of time to work on it.)  I really don't want to just put half-edited stuff up because I'd rather make y'all wait and it be quality work.  I hope this is okay with y'all.  I really do apologize that you were expecting to read a story and instead you get my nostalgia for You've Got Mail.  If you're in the mood for something extremely sweet, a little heart-wrenching, and a lot of love check out the two videos below.  Friends on Facebook posted them and I just couldn't help myself but to watch them.  

Title:  "White Nights" by Oh Land

Sometimes I Feel Like Throwing My Hands Up in the Air

     If you follow my blog, you already know that I have more than a few physical ailments and maybe a couple mental ailments. One of them possibly being hypochondriac. My conversations with my parents and friends sometimes begin with "please tell me if I'm being a hypochondriac but..." and then I start listing symptoms. I'm not exactly proud of that fact and I'm not exactly saying I'm making symptoms up. When I was in the 8th grade I had a severe allergic reaction to medicine (Stevens Johnson Syndrome) and since then have had pretty weird things wrong with my body (migraines, autoimmune hives, joint pain). And recently (as in today), I'm pretty sure that I am allergic to my new nasal spray (Qnasl). Yes, I know I raved about it before. But now I have a tightness in my chest. (Before this morning I thought that my chest hurting had something to do with my heart--which has been beating irregularly.) Meaning that I can now possibly add one more medicine to my list of allergies.  Possibly.  I am going to see if being off of Qnasl helps my breathing.
     I'm not the only ones with allergies.  My poor darling Jack scratches himself to death (or really into infection).  He had a sore spot behind his ears that he wouldn't leave alone.  We took him to the vet, but Dad and I ran some errands on our way there.  Jack whined every single time Dad got out of the car.  Here is a little video I took at the post office.

Jack had to be sedated so that they could clean his ears and behind his ears good.  He got to come home late in the afternoon.
     Mom and I went shoe shopping.  It was pretty fun, but I think I overwhelmed my little helper man like I always do.  I just love shoes!  And you never know what is going to work until you try them on.  (I am having to get rid of a brand new pair of sandals because they have a certain smell to them that gets on my hands and hurts my head.)  So I ended up getting 1 new pair of Merrels (the most amazing supportive shoes ever), 1 everyday sandal, 1 pair of super comfy high heels, and 1 pair of cute red nautical stripe flats.  I can't wait to wear every single pair.  (I need to start wearing shoes more because my knees are super duper killing me.)
     I have a super early doctor appointment with a chiropractor.  I hope all goes well.  We shall see.  I'll let you know more about it tomorrow.

Title: "You've Got the Love" by Florence + the Machines