Love Writes a Letter and Sends It to Hate

     I absolutely hate when I remember I've seen something but I can't really remember where I've seen it and only vaguely recall what it looks like.  I normally only remember that it was awesome and that it is vital to something I'm trying to explain/do.  This causes me to search google, my inbox (if applicable), and all my bookmarks--which are numerous and are not saved in any certain order or fashion.  Then there is the obligatory getting distracted from the true task at hand and surfing the internet's pretty pictures for hours on end.  And I normally never find what I'm looking for anyway.
     I absolutely love finding a surplus of really cute clothes on the sale rack.  Especially clothes that can become essential pieces in someone's wardrobe. I usually pick out tons of items to try and narrow down based on what looks good--and what I probably already have at least one of in my closet.  Trying on isn't necessarily my favorite part, but the new items I can mix in with what I already have is definitely hard to beat.

Title: "The Ballad of Love and Hate" by The Avett Brothers

'Cause I Gotta Have Faith

     I'm coming to you a few hours late--more like 6 but who's really counting?  I'm starting to feel better (did I mention that I have a bad sinus infection) and today is my first time taking pictures with my new photography outlook, so I'm super nervous.  I'm just taking pictures of a family friend, but she's being my trial run on pretty much everything I want to offer.  My nervousness means I want to do everything, but photography.  My mind is racing with everything I should have been doing this week, but put off because I was "resting." Crippling self-doubt is starting to take hold.  I know this stuff.  I've literally been dreaming about posing since I left Texas, but I know my mind will blank once put on the spot.  Plus what if the makeup artist goes overboard (like we all tend to do in the South)--I should already have a full Pintrest board of makeup ideas.
     I guess it's time to suck it up and pull myself together.  I've got this or at the very least I'm going to have a model who is going to be decked out in jewelry and awesome clothes even if the posing isn't out of this world.

Title: "Faith" by George Michael

Please Take My Words

      I had planned to review/talk/rant about a recent book I read set in the south, but written by people who lived in California.  Throughout the book there were sweeping generalities: all the "normal" girls in high school want to be like Kristin Chenoweth from GCB (blonde, ridiculously tan, and skanky but in a Christian way), EVERYONE reenacts old Civil War battles (or really the War of North Aggression), and no one ever makes it out alive (as in the small town you're born in is the small town you'll die in).  Being from the South I know that all of those three things aren't true.  However, I guess I live in a bigger town, so I could be missing out on some Southern experience I have yet to find out about.
     While I was helping set up for the Crystal Ball (that's tonight), I was going over in my mind everything I wanted to say about the South.  You could go on for days talking about it and you still wouldn't cover it all.   There's the tradition that's engrained in our very bones, the wildness that will never be tamed, and the history and mixing of it all through storytelling to provide some classic gothic tales.  When I was younger, I wanted to escape Mississippi just as fast as I could.  I knew I had to go to Ole Miss (because for some reason, out of state schools never really seemed in the realm of possibilities), but once I done with Ole Miss, I was leaving this wretched state for good (I kept count of the years).  I never really had a true plan, it was more of a need to leave.  All I could see was the sad state of the Delta (think that black and white photograph from the great depression of the "Migrant Mother"), the state's test scores and low literacy rate, and some one high up in government trying to convince me to stay in Mississippi by telling me all of the smart people were leaving (those were his exact words but close to it).  Plus, every time I told someone I was from Mississippi they were surprised, like I should be wearing overalls, no shoes, and not know how to live in the modern world.
     In college, I came to love this state and while I want experience life in other states (because I believe one should), I know that I eventually want to come back and settle here--if it fits into God's plan, of course.  Mississippi does have it faults--obesity, low literacy, sometimes not so great politics--but the other things I love about this state aren't going away any time soon.  I like to think that the things I love about Mississippi are some of the same things that writers like Eudora Welty, William Faulkner, Willie Morris, Barry Hannah saw in Mississippi.  Mostly I know that it's probably a far stretch but I'm still learning about this state through their work.  I'm still growing up here and the more I grow up the more I stop taking our Southern traditions for granted.

This is actually a picture taken in Alabama (my second favorite state) at my Grandfather's.

Title: "Red" by Little Green Cars

Oh, Do You Understand?

     I've been knitting like crazy to finish my latest beanie project.  You knit it on the wrong side, so throughout the project I haven't been able to see the progression.  When I turned it to the correct side, I realized that I must have messed up the "broken rib" some how (for you knitters out there, the pattern was a simple 1 ribbed row--k1, p1--and 1 knit).  It's not complicated, just a little difficult to keep up with at times.  Which means my hat has some imperfections.  The perfectionist in me is a little upset, but the rest of me is pretty stoked that I'm the only one that can have my exact hat.

Title: "Be Your Man" by Ivan and Alyosha

Heavy Your Heart, Weary Your Soul

     January is always a time of new starts.  This month I am hoping will be no different for myself.  Even though I'm having a hard time thinking anything but "I'm freezing" this month could possibly be the start of something fresh and new for myself, if only I can crank up the willpower.  It can be done.  I've set goals for myself, "researched" how to make achieving goals more attainable, and all that is left is the actual doing.  I'm thinking that the first week after my internship is over is going to be very telling as to if I will meet my goals, but even if I'm not too successful in the first days, I'm not going to give up. (P.S. can you tell this is my small pep talk to myself?)
     I'm super excited about what's coming up in January, even if I don't sound like it.  Sometimes I have a hard time reconciling both the idea of an issue and work load it will entail.  I have to focus on one or the other.  Usually, I get excited about the idea and then a little overwhelmed by the work I have to do to accomplish the idea.  They obviously work hand in hand, but in my mind it's more of a Peter Pan's shadow type thing, where I have to sew the two together to make sure I really get things done.

Title: "Winter Trees" by The Staves

(music starts at 1:03)

We All Change in Our Own Pretty Ways

     I can't believe this week's vacation is almost over.  It feels like it just started.  I had so much I needed to get done this week.  I'm not quite sure why, but I definitely had expended a good bit of energy before the holidays leaving me feeling not so great Christmas Eve and I feel as though I still haven't quite caught back up on my rest.  I guess it's just a feeling I'm going to have to learn to live with.  There is just a fine line between me being tired and feeling completely ill, I just have to figure out how to balance everything.  I'm super frustrated because I feel as though I never will find that balance.
     I've been thinking about the new year and I know I want to take on a 365 photo-a-day challenge.  I'm debating on how I want to tackle this challenge, whether I'm a bigger fan of the self-portrait challenge or a specific topic each day.  It has occurred to me that I might want to do both, which then only leaves the question of where am I going to keep these photographs?  I've downloaded 2 different applications but we'll see if I like them.  I could always use Flickr or Instagram (I know I'll try and upload at least once a week to Instagram), just so you guys can follow along.  I'll post some on here as well, but not all of them.
     365 days of self-portraits interests me the most because of the challenge of originality it presents.  Looking back through my pictures, I do have a good many self-portraits throughout the years.  None of them particularly creative and all of them pretty embarrassing.  I'm sharing them with you now so I can go ahead and move past the comfort zone of my bathroom location, equally boring bathroom shots, and using iPhone applications to make a regular photograph seem better and more artistic than it really is.  So I guess this is a challenge to myself:  to step out of my comfort zone and become a better photographer and model.  But don't expect to see my face in every photograph because a self-portrait doesn't always have to taken from the most obvious of angles.

Titles: "Our Own Pretty Ways" by First Aid Kit

When I Look Back on Those Neon Nights

     I guess it's just about that time of year again.  Time to reflect on the past year--learn from the mistakes we've made, remember the fun we've had, laugh once more at those inside jokes, and in general take a moment to be thankful we've been given another year to do things differently, better--to prove to ourselves (and others) that we've grown through one life experience after the other.  It's fitting that soon after Christmas we start a new year, even though this year it seems to have caught me by surprise.

     New Year's resolutions for me never really pan out.  I'd prefer not to make a resolution that I know I can't keep just because society tells me that's what I'm supposed to do.  Every day should really be about making a resolution to do better than the day before.  Then again I still have a little less than a week to make any solid decisions concerning any sort of resolution I will or will not be following.  That's less problematic than the music I want to listen to while I'm ringing in the New Year.  Playlists set the mood for everything.  I am a firm believer that you should have a soundtrack to your life and I want my soundtrack to be amazing and perfectly curated--like always.

     So I guess it's also time for me to get my little bottom into gear and find some rockin' music.  That is unless I want to ring in the New Year being serenaded by my not-so-little puppy Oscar--I'm sure he'd love to howl at the moon for me.

(P.S. that's him howling at me)

Title: "Miss Atomic Bomb" by The Killers

Know Me As I Was But See Me As I Will Be

     If wishes really could come true, I'd wish for more artistic talent.  I might be able to take a photograph but my drawing is something horrendous.  But I'm really good at abstract art, even on pretzels.  They look yummy, no?

Title: "Know Me Well" by Roo Panes

I Never Wanna Go Back Again

     When I was younger, I was some what of a selective snob.  What is a selective snob you ask?  Someone who has a very high opinion of their own opinion about certain subjects.  My particular selective snobbery revolved around two things, the two essential m's of life:  movies and music.  I did not like old movies.  I refused to watch the original three Star Wars because of the horrible technology (keep in mind this was in the '90's, so it wasn't like the technology I was completely believable either, but I had my standards).  For some reason, the newer the movie the better I assumed it would be.  Same with music, especially Christmas music.  I'm not sure when I decided I did not like traditional Christmas songs, but somewhere in grade school I decided that the only songs I'd listen to that talked about Christmas had to be original or at least non-traditional.  I blame the O.C.'s Chrismukkah mix (Mix 3, in case you want to look it up).  I even wrote a MySpace note/blurb/blog or whatever you want to call it about how I'd listen to this non-traditional Christmas music all year long.  I might have been a little obsessed, but in my defense it was a spectacular mix.
     While I have a newfound respect for the classics, in both the movie and music category, my pulse races when I find a wonderful new and original Christmas song.  I want to share it with the world or listen to it over and over again (I usually end up doing both).  You've already heard/seen some of these songs in the videos I post every day, but I thought I'd share the whole playlist now.  I created this playlist for Click's blog, but I wanted to share it with you on here as well.  I've been singing these songs all month long or at least they've been either stuck in my head or playing downstairs in the kitchen.  As my mom pointed out, they're all upbeat and peppy (or at least the tunes are), which is nice when you're trying to get into the Christmas spirit.  (This is the first time I've had a job during the holidays.  It's been weird that I'm still working and it's so close to Christmas.  It makes Christmas seem that much further away.)

Listen here or on Spotify.

Title: "Maybe Next Year (Xmas Song)" by Meiko

On a Good Day You Can See

     Target has a special place in my heart.   It has some great fashion pieces every now and then and I always love going into the store.  I think the thing that I really enjoy about Target though is its complete difference to Wal-Mart.  Target has spent time to make your time in their stores enjoyable.  They've spent the money on advertising, store arrangement, appearance, etc.  Whereas Wal-Mart definitely has not.  This has left Target with a feeling of upscale and expensive even when it isn't necessarily the case.  I know that I (and I've noticed that my parents) put off Wal-Mart trips like we're avoiding the plague.  We might drag ourselves to the store, but that's after putting it off as long as possible.  If we were planning to go to Target we might not wait as long.  Getting into the store is over half the battle.  After consumers are in a store, we're bound to leave with at least one to two more things than we original went in to get.  Target continues to have a special place in my heart because of their partnership with original boutique shoppes across the country (last summer) and a different designer each season for their clothes.
     This holiday season is no different. Neiman Marcus has paired up with Target to bring the designs of twenty-some odd designers to the masses.  I've picked out some of my favorites.  A few of these items are already sold out and they are only available for a limited time only.  (There are no specific time tables available online, except that all items must be returned by January 5.)

Neiman Marcus + Target logo found at target.com
1.  Philip Crangi Trinket Box, $70
2.  Oscar de la Renta Pet Bowl, $30
3.  Philip Crangi Frame, $50
4.  Altuzarra Shaker, $50
5.  Band of Outsiders Cookie Cutters, $30
6.  Altuzarra Double Old Fashioned Glasses (set of 4), $50
7.  Tory Burch Printed Beverage Container, $25

Title: "No Glamour in the Hammer" by Whitehorse

We're Going to Hibernate All Year

     I've been meaning to post this song for about a month or two now.  Not only is it just a beautiful song to listen to, but I definitely relate to the lyrics.  Plus it's gets stuck in my head, I walk around singing off tune "freeeee range" and that's the only part that really sticks with me.  The lyrics are all about my generation that sits behind a computer screen ignoring a completely beautiful day outside.  However, I think I'm of the personality that even if I lived in a world where computers weren't invented, I'd still have my nose stuck in a book instead of enjoy the outdoors.

Title: "We Are the Battery Human" by Stornoway

All We Need Is Magic

     There is magic all around.  We just have to take the time to stop and appreciate it.  For me, it's easy to forget this in my day to day life.  Recently, I've been so caught up in fighting through the pain and still trying to doing my job (creatively and extremely well) and live my life.  I've found myself whining and complaining more than I ever wish.  My own voice has started to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher "wah wah wah."  If it sounds like that to me, I don't even want to think what it sounds like to the people around me.  It's easy to say I'm going to make a more conscious effort to not always say what is on my mind (pain) but find joy in the little things or stay silent.  It's not so easy to follow through.
     One of the magical moments of my day was dinner.  We had French Toast (yes, it was delicious enough to deserve to be in capital letters).  It was easily the best part of my day.  And we ate on Christmas plates.  (Not that all of my magical moments recently all have to do with Christmas.  It's just so happened that the blog has been very Christmasy themed lately.)

Title: "Don't Be So Hot" by Me and My Drummer

We Can Sleep When January's Here

     Weird fact number one about myself.  I don't like Thanksgiving.  Don't get me wrong, I love the idea behind Thanksgiving, the whole counting-your-blessings thing not the forefathers-and-indians-first-meal thing.  Don't even get me started about how things were always and will be always an us versus them mindset.  It's part of the sinful world, but the "settlers" of North America weren't exactly kind to the existing inhabitance to the land.  (Because "we" know better than "them.")  From this day and age we look back on the "glory years" but they're only glorious because they didn't happen to us (or even if they did, we only see the good parts not the good parts with the bad mixed in).   Sin didn't just stop happening because America was founded.  Okay, so done with my political, not so political rant.  Back to the original topic.
     I'm not a fan of Thanksgiving because of the food.  Any side dish you might think to make for a typical Thanksgiving feast, I don't like it.  I don't like the smell, the texture, anything about it.  I'm not going to make it for you, but I will suffer through cleaning it up--you just might owe me something big.  I love the decorations and the idea of it, but just not the actual meal itself.  When I grow up and have my own house/family, I'm going to figure out a way to have Thanksgiving without a tradition meal.  I've been thinking through some ideas but I haven't come up with anything solid as of yet, but I will.
     For Christmas dinner we have steaks--and I get to have my little piece of meat wrapped in bacon--so I love Christmas.  Plus the whole giving and receiving presents--giving is just as much fun, especially planning out what you're going to give people (because it's never about them, it's about you).  I love Christmas music.  I would say that it's my favorite kind of music, but really it's just my favorite kind of seasonal music, as opposed to Easter music, St. Patrick's Day music (though St. Patty's music is a close second), Halloween music and Valentine's Day music. Anyway, I could have sworn I had already written a blog about it because I'm partial to "contemporary" Christmas music (or just original songs).  I have a newfound affection towards the oldies, but I love the songs that I've never heard of before.  It's strangely hard to find.  Jack Johnson's record company (Brushfire Records) has released two compilations of original Christmas songs from their recording artists (one in 2008 and one in 2011).  Once I find a CD I play it over and over again because I love each song.  We'll see what new ones I can find this year.  If you know of any I'd love to hear any helpful tips.
     Basically this whole post was just so I could get to the simple reason why I'm already posting Christmas songs as my song of the day.  It's because I want to like Thanksgiving, but I'm already so over November in general so Christmas here we come!

Title: "I Bet On Flying High" by Matt Costa

(off This Warm December, a Brushfire Holiday, Vol. 2)

I've Been Worryin' That We All, Live Our Lives, in the Confines of Fear

     When did it become lady bug season?  All of a sudden there were tons of lady bugs on my window today.  Man, time flies (that and I thought lady bugs only came out in the spring).  And before you say anything, I know that instead of two lady bugs there should be three to make it more appealing to your eyes.  But have you tried to direct a lady bug?  They don't listen very well.
     On a completely separate note, this song has been my theme song.  I love this guy, but I even more love the theme behind it all.  I keep playing it over and over to remind me to challenge myself (and that fear is normal, but we move past it).

Title: "The Fear" by Ben Howard

I'm Stealing Home

If one does only what needs to be done, one most likely shall never have fun.

    Priorities.  I'm struggling with putting certain things first and other things last.  Like sleep and work.  I know I'll struggle with it almost every day, but I'm always learning.  And then having to unlearn.  I don't like indecision.  I prefer to have a plan, know where I'm going, and what I need to do to get there.    But some days, I need a puppy to get in my face and remind me that this is my life and that living in the present without a plan can be loads of fun.

P.S. I just found out that there is/was a major jazz/ragtime/blues pianist named Oscar Peterson!  I just found this in my Simple Diary (that is turning out to be so much fun to keep). 

Title: "My Doll" by Sam Beeton

Good Morning Freedoms, Good Night Lullabies

     My feelings from yesterday haven't much changed.  I want to enjoy my life instead of being exhausted all the time.  I'm not sure where that will lead, but I'm definitely ready to start on my own personal projects instead of projects for other people.  Even though I'm not in the office today, I still have so much work to do.  Maybe I'll forgo some of that work so I can do something I enjoy, instead of something I have to do.  All the work will still be there tomorrow and the day after.  No one is going to die if I don't do it as soon as possible.
     While a ton of kids my age dressed up for Halloween yesterday (or at least passed out candy), I cleaned my room.  It's nice and clean now except for the pile of picture frames that litter my floor (mostly on one wall) while they are waiting for me to complete a long desired project of collaging my whole wall.  Still looking forward to it, but at this pace who knows when it will actually get done.
     Days like today make me want to go on long road trips, with someone else driving, of course.

Title: "Drive Darling" by Boy

Loosen Up

     It's been a long month.  And next week the crazy process starts all over again--except it will probably be busier and crazier in a shorter time frame.  I'm actually kind of looking forward to it.
    While my "weekend" begins today, I still have a lot of work ahead of me.  And though I don't have this much energy when I wake up in the morning, I do feel like after about an hour or so to wake up I'm  just a bubble of energy and ideas.  I'm looking forward to sitting down with my new Kindle Paperwhite (which is awesome and tiny!) and reading a new good book.  Maybe something like Cloud Atlas, then again maybe something a little lighter and fluffier.  I think I'm going to try and take time every week to read a book (or at least half if it's something really long) because I need a small instant mind fresher and that's what books do for me.  They let me take a mini-vaction and come back more restful than most real vacations.

Title: "Dance With Me Tonight" by Olly Murs

A Wonderful Part of the Mess That We Made

     What to do when your out-of-town parents freak you out about the bad weather?  Sit under a staircase hearing sounds of a "tornado" and of course, invite your soaking wet puppies in so they don't get sucked away.   Look at Jacky's face, he's so happy!  And remember, just cause the puppies might stop and perk their ears up doesn't mean they hear a tornado.

Title: "Flaws" by Bastille

Everybody's Watching You Now... What Happens Next

     This weekend I found a new Invisible Children video that has made me believe in the movement.  When the Kony 2012 movement first began this year, I was one of the many critics of not only this video, but my generation in general.  There have been so many political Facebook statuses that I think it should almost be illegal to talk about politics on Facebook.  Everyone in my generation posts things that usually aren't well thought out and if they are thought out, other people are too eager to put down ideas and not in a creative criticism way, but in a harsh rude way.  (Plus I bought into the idea that my generation thinks they are actually doing something when you press the "like" or "share" button.  That doesn't really get anything accomplished except spreading the word.  Real people have to get out in the real world and do things to make a difference.  I guess I'm still buying into the idea that people are getting a fulfillment out of doing things on Facebook, instead of in the "real" world. But that's neither here nor there.)  What does matter is that my mind might be changed just a little with this new video Invisible Children has produced.  However, they do something different in this video than I think they've done in the past.  At the end is a call to activism, instead of just informing people they are trying to get something accomplished.  Personally, who ever thought of this forward movement really understands one way social media is driving the world (and is taking advantage of it).
     While I can't make it to Washington, D.C. in November, I will share this video so maybe someone else who sees it can.  And I have to tell you, if we can't end up rising to this challenge (as a generation) we will be confirming all of the terrible things analysts and news anchors have ever said about us. I dare you to not have a tear trickling down your cheek as you watch this.  I did.

And because I'm still trying my hardest to take a photo-a-day, it's amazing what you find in a desk that's only been yours for a month (or so).

Title: "Dare You to Move" by Jayesslee (originally by Switchfoot)

The Only Difference Is That You Want Nothing and I Want Everything

     I don't think it would be too hard to convince me to move to the UK.  I've always wanted to travel there and things like Burberry campaigns haven't changed my mind.  I'm not sure what it is about the UK that draws me in.  The accents and landscape doesn't hurt, but some of it I think is the history of the land.  America doesn't really have that.  We're still a "new" country, plus any of the history we might have had was erased with the eradication of the Native Americans.  Of course, I'd have a hard time leaving my crazy pets, but England, Scotland, Ireland and everything in between is so very appealing.

Title: "My Doll" by Sam Beeton