Today hasn't been the greatest day headache-wise. I can't tell if I have a migraine or just a headache from the Botox. The pain is very much different from what I'm used to experiencing. I think I finally decided it is/was a mix of the both. I wish I could say everything was getting better, but I don't know that I can. Which makes me extremely disappointed.
I'm so tired of resting and not doing anything. I'm restless and want to do things without being in pain.
I'm pretty sure all I've done today is sleep, eat, (fix food,) watch Netflix (90210), and cruise Facebook. Not exactly very thrilling. I really wish the only thing I posted on here was upbeat, but I would prefer this to be an honest depiction of how things really are. Lucky for me, when I look back on things like my migraines I tend to gloss over how painful they really are. My mind tends to think that the pain I was feeling wasn't really that bad (even if it really was). This is not so helpful when I'm trying to paint an accurate picture of migraines for my doctor (or for any other ailment), but definitely helpful in general. Except when I get a little upset with myself because I was being a wuss or I can't really believe that I cried because it didn't hurt that bad (even when it did).
I really hope all of that makes sense because I'm not sure that even when I explain it all out it makes sense to me. Memory tends to plays tricks on you (and by you I really mean me). Which reminds me of my beyond favorite quote from my favorite book as a teenager.
“Memory warps time, as it does the sights and sounds and smells of reality; for what shapes it is emotion, which can twist what seems clear, just as the surface of a pond seems to bend the stick thrust into the water." - Crown Duel by Sherwood Smith
I mean I could go and on about this quote but I'm pretty sure it speaks for itself. You (we all) can never really trust our memories because its all about our perception as well as what our minds will allow us to process. Hearing my mom talk about my migraines is almost like hearing her talk about someone else.
It's all I can do to wake up early (around 9ish) eat breakfast, watch about an hour of whatever on my computer, nap til about 1 and then start my day. And then I'm extremely tired by 7 even if all I'm doing is working on photography stuff. And some days I can't even do that. But if I can't do that, I don't have the energy to analyze it (or really even think about it). I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'm just tired and I'm tired of being tired.
I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
Title: "Howlin' For You" by The Black Keys
Labels: Botox, Migraines